I was watching Invader Zim today, and I saw Zim and Gir sharing a Lik M Aid Fun Dip pack. Man, that brought back my childhood… getting stuck at one of my younger brother’s T-ball games, but happy that I had a book and was able to get a Lik M Aid or a Ring Pop or a Slush Puppy or any of the fun sugary things that make the helpless insanity of childhood bearable.

I woke up this morning at 7:15, falling face first out of a nightmare that was so long and felt so real that I could have marketed it as a feature length film. Then I woke up the husband, who brought me meds and drink and stayed up with me and calmed me. That’s why he’s the husband.

So we watched Silent Hill on a Halloween afternoon, as you do, and I worked on Pyramid Head’s… er, head. I thought the front part would have to be reworked, but looking at the screen captures I have from the DVD and the “making of” videos on it, I think I’m pretty close. The back of the head needs to be longer, though, and may need to be weighted. The point of the front of the head throws off his center of gravity and makes him want to bend at the waist instead of stand upright. Nonetheless, I can work something out. Trust the Dollmaker.

Finally I had to stop with Pyramid Head due to lack of Heather Gray yarn; now I’m working on a personal project with the Rainbow Boucle. It’s a delight to work with, but it always makes me feel like I need a manicure to do anything to it. It catches on every single little bump or rough spot on nail or skin.

So now we’re watching the Batman marathon on one of the Family channels; so far I’ve been surprised that they’ve not bleeped anything but “p*ssy”. We’re into Batman Returns and lately it’s been my hobby to look up the imdb trivia page for anything we’re watching. One of the trivia items is that a scene at the end of this movie (no OMG SPOILERS here) was filled long after the rest of the movie and shortly before the premiere, in a great hurry and at great cost — over $250,000.

It’s also been my hobby lately to take the excesses of others and translate it into my own life terms. The husband and I do pretty well on ~2K a month (or less, depending on how sick I’ve been), so the cost of that scene would have kept me and him fed with a roof over our heads for 125 months, or 10 years and 5 months. Fun, eh? A 15 second scene, and a decade of happy married life…

Apropos of nothing, I can’t seem to stop glutenating myself lately. First with the medication, then with the yogurt, and today apparently with cheap pepperoni that was probably cross-contaminated. Yay, hot and cold flashes and stomach pain! Thanks also to the nice male nurse who treated me, who wrote in my chart that I should go to the BRAT diet: Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast. Never mind the fact that I’m outright allergic/intolerant to two options on that list, and a third will cause me issues due to the high fructose… Fantastic.

Anyhoo, that’s it for tonight. May try to go to the store tomorrow, get more yarn, keep trying. I missed Finished Object Friday due to abject depression and apathy caused by profound glutening; I’ll post some FO’s soonish. Promise.

P.S. I’m inflicting this fun little video on you, my friends, because it’s stuck in MY head and I want it in yours too.

Tags: invader zim, life, medication, movies, pyramid head

I love the bathroom at my RealJob(TM). Well, I love the first stall in the bathroom. The lights are good but not blinding; the first stall is very small. It’s like a blocky gray womb that smells faintly of cleaner and nothing else.

I can sit in the bathroom alone. I’m not forced to answer any calls (although occasionally I do use my cellphone; yes, I’m one of THOSE people); I am not faced with any questions. I can read a book or listen to my mp3 player. Sometimes I’ll spend most or all of my break in there, happy to be behind a locked door. Far away from those that would say “Vox, I know you’re on lunch/break/etc, but I just have one more question…” A good-sized portion of my day is troubleshooting other people’s calls, fixing problems above and beyond those that run down my phone extension. For the most part I don’t mind, really. It makes me feel like I’m helping people, even when it gets a bit demanding.

But behind the door, I can escape the troubleshooting.

Sometimes when lunch comes around I just can’t take it anymore; I rush out the door to my car, drive down to the grocery store, grab something to nosh, drive back to the RealJob(TM) and sit in the parking lot with the windows down. I listen to the wind, and to my mp3 player (on it’s lil stereo speaker), and I eat and drink, and I read, and I relax.

I love my car. It’s driven me away from some truly awful things, and driven me to some absolutely magical things. It also has leather interior; an option that I personally feel the gods invented as a gift to man. I feel no guilt about loving leather — if I could have, I would have followed my Native American blood and eaten the cow and made other crafts out of its parts, too.

I’ve finished up another crocheted quilt square, this one with the “Bear Claw” pattern, and I’m about 85% done with Reno from Final Fantasy 7 — got to finish eyes, hair, and goggles. I’m hoping to have him done for tomorrow’s Finished Object Friday. I’m about 60-70% done with Pyramid Head; I hope to have him finished up for next Friday. The SOMETHINGINCRECIBLYPINK is on it’s way; I’ve found yarn for the hair, so now I need to finish the wings and put it all together.

I scrapped my Halloween plans for the weekend (my costume will keep until next year) and so I intend to spend as many hours as I can sacked out on the couch in my bathrobe crocheting like a fiend.

Tags: Final Fantasy, gonzo, life, pyramid head, reno

I started the year being poisoned, and it’s pretty much continued that way.

All of 2008 was good; I don’t think I was glutenated even once that year. I was rarely sick at all. January of 2009 I did start some new supplements — an omega 3, I do believe.

This taught me the lesson: “Don’t buy cheap supplements from LocalMart.” The bottle was on sale… woe betide me for looking to save a few bucks. I thought it was serendipity but my little voice inside was trying to warn me. It didn’t say whether or not the pills themselves have gluten in them on the bottle. The manufacturer’s website didn’t have this specific type of product on it. Not to mention the website itself looked kinda sketchy.

The skin pain, the ongoing cold that never quits, the deep pain in my upper arm muscles and the bones/tendons of my hands, the tenderpoints — and the moods. FUN!

February and March of 2009, I caught the stomach flu on the beginning and the end of its cycle through my office. Let me tell you, that was HILARIOUS.

From April through August, because my immune system was so buggered, I had a bacterial sinus infection. My genprac said “Oh, we usually only see those in people with very compromised immune systems, like AIDS patients or people undergoing chemo.” Yeah, really? I said. I don’t have AIDS (I promise), I don’t have cancer (that I’m aware of) — but I do have Fibromyalgia, most likely caused by celiac/gluten intolerance.

And then, I discovered (from Friday’s excitement) that one of my new meds was glutenating me. I quit that yesterday, and woke up feeling better than I had since… since, well, Thursday.

And I promptly went to the RealJob(TM), all prim and proper.

And while there, I ate a cup of yogurt. It said “May Contain Traces”.

What do you know, it sure did!

Yah, I’d been a bit foolish in thinking that a “trace” of gluten would be okay, and that I could gamble with it. Vox is occasionally an ignorant and naive Vox.

Gods, I came home and it was awful. A short list of my symptoms today, thirty minutes after THE GLUTENING:

hot and cold flashes
acid stomach
bile/mucus in throat
IBS
back pain
sinuses running
headache, mini-migraine size
face numbness
“Fibro-fog”
gas (burping)
depression and irritation
light and sound sensitivity
eyebrow hairs falling out easily

But, the gods of luck had glanced in my direction — for, as the husband and I were returning from the clinic ($20 and some runaround but finally convinced the nurse on duty that YES, I am experiencing this, YES, I do know what it is, NO, I am not going to break out in hives/swell up and suffocate/burst into flames, etc), we find a box containing Glutenease in our mail.

Now, I’m not going to say that this little bottle will enable me to eat at Long John Silvers (my secret unreachable food lust is a 3 chicken plank dinner with fries and crumblies, yumm), but it did deal with about half the symptoms of the glutening. So I’m not going to start eating regular toast and pizza, but at least I’ll have something to help when the awful thing happens.

So that’s where I am right now; still feeling like microwaved poo, laying on the couch under a blanket and two cats. Maybe I can work on some stuff for Finished Object Friday. Here’s to trying, even when laboring under what is *still* a mostly invisible disease.

Tags: gluten, illness, medicines

I’ve decided that every Tuesday I’m going to go back and reread an issue of Transmetropolitan. It seems appropriate, what with my stream of brain medications and my endless frustration with the planet. If you’ve not read Transmet you need to, even if you’re not perhaps fans of comic books. It rocks the world. Think Hunter S. Thompson in a crazy future with more exciting drugs and more interesting weapons, bringing the light (and the chairleg) of TRUTH into the City.

So here’s my notes on Issue 1: The Summer of the Year.

I love the dead mouse wrapped in the “buy more bullets” $5 bill.
And then he shoots the phone but nothing happens. I’d not realized that.
His bumper sticker says “Jesus is my Best Friend… but he won’t loan me money…”
Gods, what I wouldn’t give to have a rocket launcher with the words “Eat Me” on it.
Everybody’s in the city that would want to be in the city, and no one ever really leaves; that figures.
There needs to be a band called “Marijuana and Cherries”.
“Dissenting lovers on the run from a Chinese culture reservation, kissing their way to a new revolution.”
Thank god he got rid of all that hair, although the arse shot was nice.
I love it that his shades were produced by a Maker on drugs.
Our first view of Fred Christ, alien love messiah!

I’m also now playing an exciting game called “Guess which of my medications are poisoning me at the moment?” I’m thinking that one of them has Ninja Gluten in it, but I’m not sure which one. Out of FOUR exciting brain meds my shrinkdoc has given me, I’ve managed to clear 2 and mostly rule out 1… it’s the last that may still be giving me poison.

Everybody go check out A Page A Day — tomorrow I’m going to start giving away my Octopus Pattern!

Tags: gluten, hunter s. thompson, illness, Spider Jerusalem

Today will be a rather general post, because frankly I’m feeling like I don’t have enough medication today. I had something planned for the day but after 3 hours solid of driving, 2 hours of laundry, enough emotional ups and downs to make an amusement park full of roller-coasters… I just don’t have it in me right now.

Yesterday was a bit more exciting. I think I like Cherrycola Red Heart Yarn. I think I like, MORE THAN like it. I think I’m in love with it. So I’m working on an afghan with it. Only problem is, I only had 3 skeins of it and I needed more like another 15 or so.

So the husband and I went on The Great American Yarn Hunt. We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid –

Sorry, I spaced there for a minute and thought I was going to Vegas. We didn’t actually have any of that. But what we had was a rabid desire to find Cherrycola.

We went to:
1 Walmart
2 Michaels
1 Hobby Lobby
1 Joann’s

And at Joann’s we hit the jackpot. Not only did we find Cherrycola… not only did we find 15 skeins of it… it was ON SALE. Usually I don’t like Joann’s because their selection of yarn (at least, the location in my area) is not the most choice, but this time they did right by us.

Now that’s gonzo. *grins*

Also at Joann’s I got a skein of Williamsburg Print (also Red Heart) and 4 skeins of Sensations Rainbow Boucle in Red Print.

Now, working with the Rainbow Boucle, I can tell you that the yarn itself is a dream. It goes along just fine with my trusty I-hook, it’s softer than unicorn farts (which are pretty darn soft, take my word for it) and all in all just a total delight to crochet… UNTIL IT KNOTS.

Because of all the little boucles (I assume that’s what they’re called), it ties itself into little knots due to the terrible friction deep in the heart of a yarn skein. And you have to GENTLY ease them apart or the whole thread just breaks. Luckily I’ve only had this happen once; I have a way with yarn.

Sooooooo… projects for this next week:

Finish up Pyramid Head from Silent Hill
Finish Reno from Final Fantasy 7
Finish up something INCREDIBLYFREAKINGPINK.

Then take some pictures and ship some things out. Oh, and that whole RealJob(tm) thing I’ve got to do until I can buy my own yarn shop.

Tags: bless me yarn art, crochet, Final Fantasy, gonzo, pyramid head, the stash

I thought Friday was going to be like any other Friday. Get up, go to work, crochet like a madwoman on my breaks, come home, do some more crochet, maybe have a glass of wine. You know, the regular.

My innards decided today was going to be MORE EXCITING.

Those that are already familiar with me know that I am gluten intolerant. It’s not like racial intolerance — I really do LIKE wheat and bread and pasta and pizza crust and breaded fried chicken and… *sighs longingly*

I *love* them.

But they don’t love me anymore.

So I have to stay away from them. And I do my best. But even an invisible smear of something with gluten in it can poison me all day, and apparently has done so once more.

We figure either a dish didn’t get fully washed (my dishwasher is 33 years old, and sometimes he can miss a spot. He still heats up like he’s supposed to, though!) or else I started kissing one of the cats right after they ate. It was probably the younger one; Dusk eats with such whole-hearted abandon that we often call him “food face”. And I think their food does have flour or something in it.

Bottom line, I think I was poisoned.

So I went to work, even though I was rumbling like a badly designed distillery.

An hour in, I knew the folly of my determination. And never am I more reminded of the fact that human beings are basically a coiled tube with 4 appendages and a brain, than when I have been “glutenated”.

Without getting gross, I was given sufficient evidence by my body that the course of wisdom would be to LEAVE work and go to a clinic and get a doctor’s note, even though I figured there was nothing that could be done.

So the nice girl at the clinic heard my list of symptoms, and very firmly told me (after the bulk of the appointment) that I should go to the Urgent Care clinic. I confirmed the location of the nearest one.

Now, I am no stranger to emergency rooms. There was a year (the same year I later discovered I was gluten intolerant, actually) that I went to the emergency room a record FIVE TIMES. I figured the intermediate step might be at least half as bad, with the wait and the boredom and the screaming small children. So we stopped by the house for me to load up on yarn and books before we went over to the grand ol’ UC.

I walked in and didn’t see anyone wearing a mask, which was great — with my crappy immune system, piggy flu would pretty much leave my bacon utterly FRIED. I didn’t see any children either, screaming or not; closest thing that might count would be the emo 16 year old in with his mom. We put in my information, and we paid the $45 copay, and we sat for an hour or so, and then amazingly we were escorted to a back room wherein I was weighed and measured and kindly asked whatever could be wrong with me.

And I told them. And they said, oh, we don’t do that here.

I said that the girl at the clinic thought they did.

And they said no, they don’t handle “abdominal pain” any more extensive than UTI’s, which I (thankfully) don’t have. Should I have a hurt ankle or a wound that needed stitching they were *definitely* my widget, but unfortunately in my current position they could do me no great service.

And then they politely returned my copay, and a nurse that was interested in my crochet work took a business card (Hi, Melody!), and the husband and I packed up and left.

All in all, I think that was the most pleasant ER experience I’ve ever had. I was not poked with anything sharp; I was not bombarded by screaming infants; I did not have to pay $100-$400 for the joy of waiting 6 hours to be seen by a random idiot who won’t listen to my concerns and who will occasionally shoot me full of MORPHINE without any sort of warning, not even an accompanying cigar. If they had cured my fibro and washed my car, I would be moving into a room there.

I think I’m okay now; glutenation is something to be endured, not cured. And I’ll go to the “real” ER should something else stupid happen with my intestines. But that’s my harrowing tale of woe. What’s worst? What with all the shenanigans and goings on I couldn’t get any serious knotwork done!

Tags: gluten, illness, life

Welcome to our first Finished Object Friday! I didn’t think I was going to make it, due to some incidents described in my entry for tomorrow. But I have overcome, and now I’m here to present to you whatever I’ve been messing around with for the last unmentionable span of time.

Let’s start with Sephiroth. (Seriously, until I figure out how to make good thumbnails with WordPress, just click on his picture. He really has a top to his head.) Sephiroth, as any good geek will tell you, is one of the villains from Final Fantasy 7 — arguably the main villain, but I digress. A figure of rage and pathos, he came out quite charmingly as a chibi Tribute Doll and I think my client will be pleased with him. I think he looks much like the original game character with that pleasing roundness and childlike quality of the original character designs. He’s sixteen swinging inches of cute evil. There will be a page with more pictures over at A Page A Day, and eventually I’ll give away his pattern on that blog. I would like to work through the other FF7 characters as well; I think they’d be ADORABLE.

I’m also working on a JENOVA PROJECT of my own… you know, in that COPIOUS FREE TIME I have, and everything. *insert mad cackling laughter here*

Ahem.

So let’s move on to Matt; my client tells me he’s from Deathnote but hell if I know. I have *one* Deathnote manga, and no one in it looks terribly interesting (in a visual character sense) except the shinagami. Now THERE’S a doll I’d love to make. Oh, but I don’t need to look in the direction of my manga shelves for more inspiration — it’d only add to the list of “Things Vox Isn’t Allowed To Make (until she finishes her commissions and her current unfinished projects and has the free time and she’ll probably be dead by that point)”.

But I want to talk about THIS doll. Specifically THE VEST.

LOOK AT THIS VEST. Man, it gave me just about the biggest hooker’s block I’ve ever had. The shape of the vest itself was easy enough. But then I got stuck for at least a week or two not knowing how to do the little lighter parts that mimic the lambswool inside of the jacket at the seams.

First I tried with latch hooked fringe. Yeah. It was so short it just came out when you touched it. *shifty eyes* I swear that wasn’t some sort of innuendo. And then I thought, maybe crochet strips and then brush them with a stiff bristle brush or similar to raise some fuzz but man, that’s like bumping the lamp. It’d be a ton of work, and I wouldn’t even know if it’d look right until I was done with it.

So finally I settled on cross stitch (even though you know I hate the needlework), and I feel that at this size ratio it was the best solution. It gives the right look while being sturdy and not so labor intensive that it made me want to commit hari kiri. So perhaps I just shimmied the lamp a bit. I may eventually put elements of his costume up on A Page A Day… even this freaking vest.

And, at last, my first Crocheted Quilt Square, the Snail Trail. Also not an innuendo. Truthfully, I didn’t know quilting had much to snicker at until I started researching it. But isn’t that beautiful? I love the colors, and it worked up pretty quickly. What you’re seeing is the “non-worked” side; the worked side is almost as pretty. I’ll eventually have this pattern up on A Page A Day.

Alrighty, I think I’m all talked-out for the evening. More tomorrow, and a fun new surprise on Sunday.

Tags: deathnote, Final Fantasy, Finished Object Friday, quilt squares, Sephiroth

Bless me, Yarn Art, for I have sinned. Tonight I bought a LOOOOOOTTTT of yarn. I mean a LOT a lot ALOT.

Let me recount my crimes to you:
2 Skeins Linen
1 Skein Melonberry (new color!)
2 Skeins Cherrycola (another new color!)
1 Skein Light Raspberry
2 HYOOGE Skeins Coffee (it’s for a project. I’m serious.)
1 HYOOGE Skein Buff (I make naked people with it. And then I clothe them.)
1 Skein Shocking Pink (and yes, it is.)
2 Skeins Marrakesh (yet another new color!)
1 Skein Tea Leaf (is it new, or just new to me? Don’t know, don’t care! FOUR new colors, a ha ha ha!)

And now all I can do is sit around clutching my expanded stash and chortling like a junkie.

I don’t normally buy this much yarn in one go; tonight I will say five Hail Red Hearts and ten Our Dye Lots.

I’m assuming the glass of blackberry wine I’m having may have something to do with all this.

I have a secret: I hate to weave in ends. I’ll do whatever I can to avoid it. When I’m doing a flat piece, I crochet over the ends. When I’m making a doll, I pull the ends inside the body.

It’s called “Crochet”, not “Crochet for a little while and then weave in several thousand tails.”

I also hate to sew things together. I would always rather crochet them together, as in the case of doll parts or afghan squares. If I wanted to flip a needle through something over and over, I would have taken up cross stitch, needlepoint, embroidery, hard drug abuse, etc.

Tomorrow I have dubbed “Finished Object Friday”, and will post accordingly. FEAR MY MIGHTY FINISHED WRATH!

Tags: bless me yarn art, crochet, the stash

Lately I’ve purchased two new crochet books, as if I didn’t have enough — the first being Crochet Bouquet: Easy Designs for Dozens of Flowers by Suzann Thompson.

Let me start by saying that the front of the book is more detailed than the images on Amazon led me to believe, which is good. What had been blobs of multicolor in the preview image were now pictures clear enough to see stitches and really give an idea of what sort of work is inside.

Suzann spends a few pages at the beginning going over basics, tools, etc; most of which should be old hat by now for fairly experienced hookers, but I did still find a few tidbits relevant to the flower-making itself that were good to know.

A complaint I have about the book is that there are no diagrams along with the patterns; I’m a visual learner and I grasp things much better if I’m shown rather than told. Nonetheless, the designs look fairly straightforward. The colors and yarn choices are inspiring (they have my brain bubbling for more patterns and finished objects), and I’m especially looking at the “Oval Center Rose” beginning a crocheted tribute afghan to Revolutionary Girl Utena – The Rose Collection Vol. 1 and the Ohtori rose.

Some of the designs are less realistic than “funky”; I guess it’s a good thing that the 70′s are coming back… But these are only a few projects in the book, and all in all I’m impressed with the thought Suzann has put into the various floral items. Orchids, mums, daisies, daffodils, several different types of rose — all beautiful and exceedingly lifelike, for fiber art.

I do *adore* the last section of the book, which is full of FOLIAGE options. I feel like leaves and vines are a bit neglected in floral design books; authors underestimate the curving beauty of an ivy or grape vine. (No, I don’t have some sort of “vine fetish”. Stop asking.)

All in all, I think this book was worth bringing into my private library. Although she does give a few usage ideas for her lovely florals, I really would have loved to see some more modular options for incorporating in scarves, afghans, etc. She has left this as an exercise to the reader, so it’s lucky that THIS particular reader is a designer in her own right. My subscribers should certainly expect to see some of Suzann’s work brought into my own free patterns over at A Page A Day soon.

Tags: book review, crochet, flowers

I have been crocheting, but you wouldn’t know it from my posting. *wry look* I finished up two doll bodies for my Egyptian Gods series. I have finished 2 crocheted squares and have developed 3 square designs for a theme afghan.

I’ve also done a lot of work on a character from Deathnote, Matt. All he needs now are some finishing touches on his jacket, his glasses, and his gloves. Then he’ll be ready to ship off to the commissioner.

Next, I’ll be finishing up a Pyramid Head doll (from the movie Silent Hill) and a random VERYPINK Fairy Godmother, and so on from there.

My darling husband/webmaster took a TON of pictures last night of some new dolls: my Spider Jerusalem, the crocheted Bowel Disruptor I carried to Dragon*Con, the Dark Queen and Dark Rook from the Fantasy Chess Set I’m developing (you know, in my COPIOUS spare time…), and the Sephiroth I just completed.

I hope to post some pictures of my work soon, and also post more serious content soon. I thought I would have time to develop it, but between work at the RealJob(tm) and various dramas occurring in my sphere I’m lucky to just get the chance to indulge my fixpick up my crochet work every now and again.

Apropos of nothing, I think I’ve lost yet another pair of scissors in my couch. I do most of my work on my couch (since I don’t have a spare room yet for the huge stash of art supplies that owns me), and every week or so I’m losing hooks or other tools down in the cushions. At least this time it wasn’t the Titanium-Coated Shears of Doom.

More on them and everything else later; time to get ready to go to that RealJob(tm) I was talking about…

Tags: bowel disruptor, crochet, Dark Queen, Dark Rook, deathnote, Egyptian Gods, Fantasy Chess Set, life, pyramid head, Sephiroth, Shears of Doom, Spider Jerusalem