This is written for every fragile flower that has suffered at the careless or cruel hand of a man, and it is dedicated to every faithless man I’ve ever known, all two hundred thousand of them. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

No, I’m not bitter… why do you ask?


From curling roots to slender neck, it bore
Exotic blooms of purest milky white
So beautiful; it cared for nothing more
Than earthen pot and water, air and light.

I watched this trusting orchid weeks gone by,
Its glory crowned with brisk vitality.
Now vicious Time proves naive trust a lie –
Our simple joy could not forever be.

Call my heart this fragile, dying flower:
Your hand its petals crushed and tore away.
The troth I’d pledged you brought it grief this hour;
In dawn’s harsh light I rue our yesterday.

Could I undo the gift of love I made!
I’d sooner be an orchid carved from jade.

Tags: ,

I’ve written two others in the meantime, but I’ve not really posted them publicly. They will be eventually, but both are a bit too personal at the moment. One is for my dad, and one is for someone who may or may not like it. :P

This one is an expression of the burst of feeling one has, when one goes back into the presence of someone missed, and loved.


Unconcerned, all year they slumber deep –
Their wine-dark branches cradle empty sky.
No pressing cares or needs do break their sleep
As past their trunks the rest of life flows by.

Now rising sap of spring breathes silent call
To subtle buds of green that raise their head
Then burst to life, one supple bough and all –
White blossoms on the trees that once were dead.

Would I could demonstrate, when you are here,
The riot in my soul where you could see.
A maelstrom of joy when you are near:
All fetters burst, from winter’s prison free.

A veil of falling petals, sweet the rain –
And I, undone, stand at your side again.

Tags:

This is my first sonnet, and it’s for anyone who loves my crochet and/or unrequited love. I apparently am skilled in either subject. :)


The cord when stretched desires for the blade,
And to the sound of scissors near it list’s.
So tight was twine’d since day that it was made.
Such tension more akin to pain than bliss.

Now I with violet hook do further spin
And form to patterns beautiful in woe
The yarn, with freedom yearning there within.
How longs it for the shears of Atropos!

So too my soul is caught with hook to line;
Bound up so close with no surcease in view.
My thoughts, all knotted, seek to flow with thine -
My tangled dreams are filled with only you.

Unknot, untie, unravel me, cut free!
You will not love? Then by gods, let me be!

Tags: ,

Just a quick note from your friendly neighborhood logistical manager to say that no we’re not dead and the site isn’t either. Vox has been a fair amount under the weather lately, concentrating on getting current commissions done, and we’ve gone through some changes personally as well. We’re still here and still working on more projects and new stuff. Also we’re contemplating on where to take the site from here. So this is just a quick note to all those that are watching that we’re still chugging along and we really appreciate you sticking with us. Thanks!

—E

To many people artists seem / undisciplined and lawless. / Such laziness, with such great gifts, / seems little short of crime. / One mystery is how they make / the things they make so flawless; / another, what they’re doing with / their energy and time. – Twin Mystery, by Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

What’s the difference between an artist and a craftsperson? A craftsperson gets paid *before* they die.

I’ve been busy of late, as I’m sure is obvious from my lack of posts. Sometimes it’s difficult to post because every minute my hands are on the keyboard means my hands are NOT on my crochet hook. I just recently finished up an entry for Threadknits (more on this later) that I hope will do well. Currently I’m working on a Seth and an Anubis from Egyptian mythology, also a commission based on Anubis. This weekend I hope to finish up Pyramid Head’s knife (yes, the never-ending commission Pyramid Head), slap some red paint on him and his “victim”, take pictures and get him off to his new happy home.

I’ve decided to start getting up at 7AM in the hopes of getting more done. No more lazy mornings, no more snooze button — all an attempt to get more done and finish some commissions that need doing. Hopefully some pictures soon.

Also, I’ve updated my etsy shop with a lot of dolls that I’ve wanted to sell. Give it a look, if you will.

Tags: , , , , ,

So I’m still here. It’s been a bit, I know. I’ll try to be better about it in the future. Right after the new year we had to titrate my meds again (more crazy makes me need more meds) and that takes a bit to get used to. Plus I also had some sort of sinus stuff that tried to eat my face off. Sinus stuff + new meds = broke down worn out Vox fit for nothing more than forcing herself to go to the RealJob and then coming home and sitting on the couch and crocheting granny squares until her brains fall out.

But now I’m better. *twitch*

Anyhoo, since this blog is all about saying things that I want to say (other than those that will scare horses and permanently scar the family members that I like) I thought I’d review the opening themes of two anime series that I enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: , , , , ,

Original fiction (or is it?) short story. PG-13 for Satanic themes and references to blood and absinthe. That’s as much warning as you get. :)

Note to stalker ex-husbands (all two hundred of you) and judgmental family members: I do not condone violence, Satanism, selling your soul, murder, bars in general, Old Ones, or Religion. But if it works for you, then that’s your bag.

DO NOT USE THIS STORY AS AN EXCUSE TO IRRITATE ME OR PUSH YOUR DOGMA ON ME, if you have any to push. I have been known to bite, and I have not recently had my shots.

Read the rest of this entry »

I had a conversation at work today (because in retail you work right up until the point until you’d rebel if you DIDN’T have to work) with a straight white man. I *SAY* it was a conversation, but it was mostly one-sided. I mentioned the current politically correct climate in which we all should say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. How there are fundamentalist groups out there with nothing better to do than to spread God’s message of love and peace by haranguing harmless customer service associates for not saying “Merry Christmas.”

And this straight white man said, right, because it’s Christmas. It’s not “the holidays”.

I said: Do you know to whom you speak, all the time? Perhaps they’re Jewish, Kwanzaa celebrants, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Hindu, Buddhist, Taoist, Pagan, Agnostic, Check-marked “Other”, or Just Plain Don’t Care.

He said: This is a Christian country, and it’s a Christian holiday, and so we should say “Merry Christmas.”

I do so love straight white men with their easy sense of entitlement and their occasional bouts of astounding ignorance. Especially if we define “love” as “find myself mortified, embarrassed, belittled and enraged by”.

We (the Christian White Men) were here first, he said. I replied that I didn’t know he was Native American. He responded that even the Native Americans got here from Russia/China. I didn’t know that the Native Americans massacred and displaced a indigent population to take over this continent, but I kept *this* thought to myself.

And the first 13 colonies were Christian colonies, he said. Trying to keep more and more quiet, I thought yes, maybe, but they weren’t the RIGHT Christians in the eyes of the lands they left (amazing how often that happens) and so many people came here in search of religious freedom. Other popular reasons to come to America were love of money and conquest, and because you didn’t have a choice (referring to the English criminals who were planted in the prison colony of Georgia, and all slaves of all colors).

As for Christmas being a Christian holiday… really. Even though Jesus’s birth can be placed by the scripture ITSELF as being July/August due to the fact that shepherds don’t have flocks out in the fields during winter? This reminds me very much of Eostre — oh, excuse me, EASTER — where the ignorant but devoted celebrate Jesus’s triumphant return out of a chocolate egg laid by a rabbit. No, not at all pagan.

But in the end I received a flurry of denial from the straight white man about how this is how he thinks, this is how he’s going to do it, this is how it should be done, directly from the Great White God to his ear, and that’s all there is to it.

Let’s pause for a moment and imagine the welter of mortification and anger inside your humble host, Vox Mortuum. Let’s pause and consider how hotly my blood demanded a curb-stomping. Even though I should be used to such shabby treatment by those who have that *direct* line to the Big Invisible Sky Judge, it still comes as such a shock to experience it. “Never surprised, continually amazed” is my motto.

It wears me out, too. I’m hyper-vigilant and easily provoked, as are most of the people who share one of my many psychological conditions. As he was muttering his rant forcefully under his breath my hackles raised, adrenaline coursed through my veins and I prepared to fight or run. Being at a civilized office environment, however, means that one can do neither. Even if your feelings and sense of self are belittled or lessened by others.

But still I demurred, as a well-trained Southern Woman is bound to do, and backed away from the topic. There’s no convincing the ignorant, the red of neck and belligerent of mind. I’m sorry that I did it now, that I rolled over and didn’t stick to my guns. I’m sorry also that I don’t have the bravery to report him to HR. I don’t want to make my workplace hostile, and when you are a minority of whatever flavor that is sadly always a possibility.

Now I’m sure at this point all the family members and my thousands of ex-husbands stalking mefollowing me through this journal are wondering: Just what does Vox believe? “Does it really matter?” I would respond. Opinions are like sphincters; everyone has one but usually it’s better if we don’t share them with others.

I can tell you *A* belief though; a story, a myth, a dream just like all other human beliefs.

The earth, the mother of us all, grows tired and weak after giving the bounty of the harvest. Her energy recedes. The leaves fall, the sap sinks, the grasses die, flowers fade, and the weather grows cold. She dies her annual death and on the darkest longest night of the year her god-husband sacrifices his life to revive her, lest we all perish with her.

We remember this yearly event by the arrival of the man in blood-red, bearing precious gifts in the snow. Unfortunately in this consumeristic saccharine age we’ve gelded him and his sacrifice, and we call him Santa Claus.

I bemoan this weakening of our primal heritage, at the same time I say “Could I have a Nintendo DS game?”

Merry Godsdeath, ya’ll.

Tags: , , ,

I’ve decided that every Tuesday I’m going to go back and reread an issue of Transmetropolitan. It seems appropriate, what with my stream of brain medications and my endless frustration with the planet. If you’ve not read Transmet you need to, even if you’re not perhaps fans of comic books. It rocks the world. Think Hunter S. Thompson in a crazy future with more exciting drugs and more interesting weapons, bringing the light (and the chairleg) of TRUTH into the City.

Issue 06 – God Riding Shotgun

I’m going outside the damn house today. You may begin your applause now.

  • The cover art. Are we sure it’s the future? Looks like NYC, present day. Same page: “The End Of The World Is Still Nigh”. Like it’s been for the last 2000 years or so.
  • There’s a great quote here but it’s redacted for not being at all in anyway worksafe. :)
  • What is it about that tin-foil halo I love ever so much? I think I need a crown of razorblades and barbed wire. Yes, yes indeed.
  • “Here to go, as we used to say when I was a prostitute.” Also, I love the double-mouth effect created by the fake beard pulled down to Spider’s chin.
  • I do love watching Spider destroy the temple… although this issue is really damn preachy in it’s own special way.
  • My get up and go has got up and went. Can I get back in bed now?

    Tags: , , ,

    I woke up this morning and felt a bit of trepidation; I’ve got two commissions about 90-95% done, and one just started… and I need to have them all in the mail in 10 days or less. I CAN and WILL do it, but I do admit the impending deadline has me perturbed.

    So I did what I always do when I’m nearly down to the wire: I cleaned like a mad woman. Today I’ve picked up, sorted, stacked, put away, wiped, washed, thrown out, and made up.

    It started with organizing and moving things off our coffee table. Then I decided to pick up the floor around the table so that the husband could vacuum later. Then I started throwing things away that we don’t use often or that were damaged or beyond date. Then I picked up the books that need to go back on our (already overflowing) bookshelves to organize later.

    An hour or so of hazy madness later, I have a surprisingly clean house.

    I apologize if this entry’s a bit scrambled; I keep seeing things that I could adjust/organize/throw away and I interrupt my writing to do it.

    All my stuff’s up off the floor; I’ve gotten rid of two bags of crap I wasn’t really needing. I’ve got a stack of books ready to be integrated. I’ve got things more organized than ever. I’m so domestic I’ve got a crockpot of no-peekie stew simmering on the counter, and I’m seriously considering making my family’s brunswick stew recipe (at 1/6th the volume; they used to make it for church lunches).

    The husband’s been such a big help, as he always is. It’s so odd to have a partner who will clean and organize alongside me. I’ve just about worn him out with some serious labor today and I love him more than ever.

    I do have to watch out for a tendency towards hoarding. The members of my family are prone to holding on to random and meaningless stuff, although we give different reasons for it. “Collecting.” “These might be worth something someday.” “I can’t throw it away now; I might need it down the line.”

    Even a vague sense that we *are* our things. I know I once had that feeling.

    When I was little I kept my room in a glorious state of clutter. No real trash and absolutely no food leavings, but my belongings were spread over every square inch of floor and horizontal surface. Even the bed was a zoo of stuffed animals.

    Part of it was loving to see what all I had, to be inspired at any moment. Colors of toys or combination of light and shadow could send me off into a fugue, dreaming about everything and nothing in particular. Part of it was security device; if anyone wanted to bother me they’d have to do it over a mine-field of various slippery, sharp, pointed, loose objects.

    I remember when various family members would come into my room and clean it. I remember sitting on my bed crying broken-heartedly as they patiently organized, removed, repatterned. To me it was an attack, an invasion and an assault. Other people… touching my belongings. Putting them back in an order that meant nothing to me. I wouldn’t be able to find things that I wanted until my fantastic haphazard filing method reasserted itself.

    I recognize some of this as the start of mental illness.

    What with better medication, better understanding of my own mind, and the love and support of someone saner than I am (or at least differently crazy) I have had only occasional clutter.

    And now I don’t have even that. I have a Clean House.

    There’s an Orange Clove candle burning on my coffee table. There’s the lovely smell of home cooking in my kitchen area. I’m a happy hooker. :)

    Tags: , , , , , ,